TeacupTaxi.org {{ the girl who cried v.w.

Things do have a habit of changing.

Hello all – I must apologise profusely for my severe lack of blogging over the last few months! I apologised the last time but the gap was far smaller then. In some respects, a lot has changed since I last blogged, and in other ways nothing has changed at all.

The last time I blogged, and indeed the time leading up to it, I was not a happy person. I could kid myself into believing I was a very happy individual. This was not the case. I was unhappy in what I was doing, there was no light at the end of the tunnel for me. I lost everything that made me, well, me. I was stuck in a place I didn’t think existed, and it was a horrible place to be. Suddenly I had lost someone very close to me, not to death – to life. It took this jolt to get me turn things around. I knew that the only person who could get me out of the hole I had dug myself into was me. I stopped dwelling on what had or had not happened, and I started focusing on what I could make happen myself. I started running – where I could run nowhere before I can now run 7km. I started reading history books to feel more connected to what I was studying.

All the time I spent complaining about how much I detested my choices. I am perfectly happy admitting that now, after a long time battling with myself, I absolutely love what I am doing. Before I was unsure as to whether I’d made the right decision, and I spent a lot of time dwelling on the choices of my past. I now know that there is no sense in that. I recently filled out a blog survey from Tumblr, to pass the time. One of the questions was “If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?” I had to sit back for a moment to think about it.

Things are different now because I am enjoying my course, I realise I have wonderful friends and a family that would go to the ends of the earth for me. The only reason things are different is because I had to make them so. I had to confront myself in order to realise everything I have is something I have to appreciate. There truly is no sense in wondering what could have been, or what could not have been. I am learning now to accept what is in front of me. You can learn from the past but you cannot change it. It gets difficult sometimes – and granted, there are days where I slink back into my old mindset. It’s a struggle to adhere to a positive attitude all the time. However at least I can now say that I am trying. Before I had given up. But now? Now I am trying, and some days it doesn’t even feel like I’m trying. I’m just living. It’s sometimes effortless, because sometimes I feel I am so happy with who I am and what I am doing, that I don’t need any encouragement. This changes of course, but there is far more of a balance now than there was a few months ago.

“If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?” As much as I would like to erase things from my life there would be no sense in it. They might have been awful at the time but without them I’d be a lesser version of myself. It’s important to accept that our past makes us who we are today.

Long time no blog.

I must express my sincere apologies for not blogging in what seems like forever! My exams dragged on for a long month and then I had to move out of the city and back home. The exams were indeed very stressful and I find out in about seven days how I did. I mean, they went alright I suppose but it was just one of those things you really don’t now for sure until you’re actually told. Sometimes I come out of an exam and have an idea of how well I’ve done or what I need to improve on. But these were my first university level exams so I really have no idea. I was in Junior Freshman Science last year but dropped out long before I had exams so yes, I really had no idea what to expect!
In other news, I am finally pulling myself back up again. The last couple of years I’ve felt completely downtrodden and been outright miserable. I felt completely isolated from my friends and even my family. Of course I could never talk to anyone about it. But everything must get worse before it gets better – and it certainly did for me. I am finally on the way back to myself. I’m finding inspiration in the strangest of places. For example I’m currently reading a book by Tim Birkhead called “The Wisdom of Birds”. It is both a combination of history and Ornithology – the Zoological study of Birds. It combines Zoology that I love, and history that I require in my degree. I’ve already decided what I’m going to write my thesis on in my final year. I am finally happy with what I am doing with my life and I have never felt better about myself.

Oh yes – I am entering a competition in BBC Wildlife Magazine. It’s a photography contest and I’d love it if you could vote for my photo! It’s called “Apollo’s Awakening” and it is a photograph of a swan taking flight from the water. There are a couple like that so if you don’t know which it is, it’s this one. I would greatly appreciate your vote! Thank you

Not much has been going on in my life at the minute – mainly re-adjusting to the countryside living! It is nice to be home but I’m sure I’ll be sick of it within the month. I aim to start cycling everywhere though it is quite risky round here. Stuff gets stolen so easily – people have no respect for other people’s possessions. It’s ridiculous. I hate thieves.

I’m hoping to enter a poetry question as well but I haven’t quite decided. This summer I’ve decided to focus on my good parts rather than my bad, and be positive. So I’m enhancing skills I do have. I’m joining the Literary Society and Photography Society in university next year. I think I plan on being more sociable next year anyway. I lived really close to college but if anything that increases the distance to student life. I don’t know how to explain it.

Anyway I will reply to all your comments today – I’ve got an insufferable migraine at the minute and can barely see. Hopefully after I’ve eaten I’ll feel better. Chinese food tonight, I think..

Also I’ve got new affiliates – Erin and Jenny: Check them out!